The error of our ways
by EDSidekick
Summary: Will Lily see where she went wrong with Alicia before she loses the last person she cares about or will she refuse to admit she did anything wrong. (Not my best work - I'll be honest!)
**A/N - Ok, so I've had this floating around in my docs since the preview clip of Alicia's last episode was released. Most of it was done before the episode and it was going to be my version of what might happen, but I never got it completed before I saw it. Then everything moved on quickly. Anyway, I thought I would bung an ending on (you'll see what I mean) and stick it out there today. Its only a little scene, hope you enjoy.**

* * *

It started like any other day, Alicia knew she had been struggling more with Lily's mentoring style, but its not like she'd never met a tough senior doctor before. But the rest of the team pulling behind her and rallying her on really helped. But then everything happened. She was truly tested, and she had failed. She was losing the love, losing the will and losing the energy to fight, and that made her feel devastated. She knew she had to get out of the ED and away from Lily, before she walked out on the only thing she'd ever wanted, to be a good doctor and help people.

When Zoe had pulled the team together before beginning the following shift to let them know that Alicia had left, they were murmers and shock displayed on all of their faces, all but one, and that one was Lily. She stood stony faced, barely reacting to the news that was so shocking to the others.

The team dispersed, Lily walked off, while Louise stood with Robyn and Lofty. It was no secret that Louise and Alicia had bonded well, and everyone knew how outspoken Louise could be, so understandably she was fuming.

"It's Lily's fault, she pushed her out." Louise said to the other two nurses. "I can't believe she is gone, she was such a good doctor, she had so much promise."

"She was always really cheerful, a lovely girl." Lofty nodded.

"I'm really sorry to see her go. She'll be missed." Robyn agreed.

"Come on guys." Rita said walking up to them. "It's a shame, but we have to carry on, patients are already piling up."

"Well, I'll tell her what everyone is thinking." Louise turned and strode off, Robyn looked at Lofty with her eyebrows raised and never one to miss out on drama or gossip, she headed off hot on Louise's heels. Louise strode into the staff room where Lily was standing.

"What happened Lily? Why did she go? What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything Louise, I don't appreciate you insinuating that I did. I was her mentor, I taught her how tough emergency medicine can be."

"No, you pushed her out."

"I wasn't any harder on her than my mentors were on me." Lily replied shortly, thinking back to her torment with feeling unfairly treated by Ash.

"Lily, we all saw it, you pushed and you pushed until she couldn't take any more. You bullied her."

"I did not. How dare you."

"Alicia left becuase of you." Louise spat out at her.

"It's not my fault if she was too weak and she couldn't handle it." Lily bit back.

"You made her leave, you forced her out. Who's next Lily?" Louise said firmly, turning on her heel and walking out, leaving Lily stunned into silence, but still refusing to accept she was completely at fault.

Out on the floor the team were getting on with the job as they always did. Lily noticed a frosty air around her as she tried to get on with treating patients. She was not one to look for solidarity from her colleagues, with the exception of Ethan. Ethan, she felt, had always understood her more than the others. But even he was a little 'off' with her today.

She looked around noticing the nurses huddled in a group, probably gossiping as always, she thought. Never one to indulge in gossip, it was something else she just didn't understand. She approached them as she needed assistance.

"If you've quite finished, the patient in cubicle 4 needs a dressing on his arm." She said without a simple please, or any niceties. In Lily's mind she was being efficient, in the nurses minds, she was just rude.

"I'll do it." Lofty sighed, heading off. Louise just glared at Lily then looked back towards Robyn and they headed off, leaving Lily standing looking cross.

Later that shift Lily was standing, staring into space. She was used to being frozen out, but even this felt somewhat extreme today. It seemed like everyone was blaming her for Alicia's departure, and now she was beginning to question herself. She was so sure that she was only teaching her with 'Tough Love' but maybe she wasn't. Had she let her personal feelings interfere with her professionalism? She had been struggling a little since losing her father, sure, but she was Lily, Dr Chao. She could easily split her feelings and her professionalism. She was well practiced at locking insignificant feelings away. She had learnt they only got in the way. But if she was honest, really honest with herself, did her toughness on Alicia stem from a personal vendetta, jealousy because she fitted in and was popular and friendly and well liked in the team.

"Lily?" She heard a voice call her. "Lily, are you ok?" It was Ethan. She hadn't even seen him approach her.

"I'm fine." She said shortly, looking up determinedly.

"Ok, you were just staring." He asked, still looking at her with his kind eyes. For a moment she softened, seeing her friend, her only friend, back with her. If anyone would see her side, it would be Ethan.

"Everyone blames me you know, for Alicia's departure." Lily stated. Ethan didn't respond, he just looked at her. "I didn't do anything, except show her the realities of emergency medicine."

"I don't think it was quite like that Lily." Ethan said, holding eye contact with her. A flicker of uncertainty flashed in her eyes. Was her best friend disagreeing with her?

"I think it was."

"No Lily, you were unnecessarily hard on her. You were supposed to be her mentor, guide her, support her, but it didn't quite turn out like that did it?"

"What are you saying Ethan?"

"You didn't give Alicia your best did you? She showed great promise and you let her down."

"I let her down? I think she was the one who let herself down. She couldn't handle it." Lily started to get annoyed again, her voice raising slightly.

"She needed your support and you squashed her. Made her feel small and undervalued."

"No, she couldn't take it, she was weak." Lily became more insistent. "I didn't do anything wrong."

"You did Lily. Don't you see?" Ethan said, his voice raising somewhat now. "Don't you see it? You bullied Alicia, Lily, and you pushed her out." Ethan finished loudly, even surprising himself at his tone.

"No."

"You let her down, and in doing so you let yourself down too." Ethan said. Lily was too shocked to speak, she opened her mouth but no sound came out. "I'm so disappointed in you Lily, I thought you were better than that." Ethan said as a final parting shot before walking away, leaving Lily stood staring open mouthed after him.

"I think maybe they are being too hard on you." A voice suddenly broke the silence. Lily looked up to see Alicia standing there. "I mean, I did leave because of you; I couldn't work here with you, I would have ended up hating my job, and it's the only thing I've ever wanted to do. But maybe it wasn't all down to you. We just weren't right together. And maybe if I'd spoken up before and expressed the difficulties I was having with you, we might have been able to resolve it before it came to this." Alicia said calmly.

"I didn't realise Alicia." Lily admitted.

"It doesn't matter." Alicia shrugged.

"No, it seems I was in the wrong. I didn't see it at the time, but maybe I was too hard on you, and maybe it was because I was, well I guess I was jealous."

"Jealous?" Alicia almost laughed. "Of what?"

"Well, you swooped in and fit in so well, and I've always had trouble fitting in, and everyone liked you, maybe I let that cloud my judgement."

"Why couldn't you see? I was just enthusiastic. All I ever wanted to do was impress you, impress Mrs Beauchamp. You both inspired me, but Dr Chao, you nearly cost me my career."

"I'm sorry Alicia."

"It's ok. I got away before it came to that. But just remember next time you're mentoring an F1, we're not all bad, we're keen to learn, but you need to remind yourself that you were there once, and it's a terrifying place to be, and all we need is support and guidance. You're a great doctor Lily. Don't let these issues interfere with that."

"You know Alicia. You are very promising too. I'm sure one day you will be a great doctor. You're already a better person than me."

"No, you have it in you Dr Chao, you just need to let it out." Alicia smiled. Lily thought about this and offered her a smile back. "Anyway, I only came back to collect this." Alicia said, holding up the book she had picked up from the staff room.

"Good luck Alicia." Lily smiled a small smile at her.

"Thank you." Alicia smiled, clutching the book to her chest and turning away, leaving Lily alone again.


End file.
